Here they are!! The 1998 crew that hopped aboard one hell of a tour! Review your knowledge about the ladies first (how many big-haired girls did Michelle try to pick up on the '97 tour?), then head on over to the '98 logbook to read about their antics on the road!


Michelle Tea

Sign: Aquarius
Hometown: Chelsea, MA
moment of shame on 97 tour: Trying To Seduce 2 BigHaired Girls With Fake Tans Press- On Nails And Tube Tops In Cleveland. Also, Lip-Synching To Indigo Girls At Same Bar. Was Very Drunk.
best tour souvenir: Polished Wood 'Lipstick Bar' From Niagara Falls
favorite bar in america: Double-Down Saloon, Las Vegas


from How Betty Got Her Freedom Rings
I dumped some of the crumbled white stuff on my ID and tried to chop it
into a fine dust with my ATM card. Youre losing it! someone gasped as tiny crystals
pinged off the card into the darkness. Well You Do It Then. Someone more worldly than
me took the drugs and went to work while the rest of us watched fearfully for cops. Can
I have some, Stella asked. I'll give you money. Stella took a tightly rolled bill and
lifted it to her nose. She was really something, her fake hair glittered as dazzling as
the speed she breathed into her nostril. She tipped her head back and sniffed, silver hair
cascading down her neck. The drug shone pretty like snow and I was anxious for my turn.
Stella was going to ride her motorcycle in the parade tomorrow and she didn't have anyone
to sit on the back. I Will, I said and dipped my nose to the drug, sniffed hard. It seared
a chemical path through my nostril and dripped bitter and gritty down my throat. I drank
some whiskey coke. Yeah, you should ride with me. The more you talked to Stella the more
you could see how that outfit she was wearing wasn't hers. She looked great in it but it
was a costume.

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Shoshana Von
Blanckensee


Sign: Capricorn
Hometown: Berkeley, CA
First Concert: George Michael
Road Snack: Canned Coffee
Favorite Vice: Talk Shows

from Six Months Under

Im GONNA die young
Im gonna bungee jump off the
golden gate with no ropes. Im
gonna sky dive without wings.
I wouldn't mind doing some lines and
takin a walk across a freeway
IM GONNA DIE YOUNG
it could be tomorrow.
FUCK "teen angst"
FUCK "desperate youth"
FUCK "Generation X"
cuz I HAVE ALWAYS HAD
EVERYTHING I EVER NEEDED
I MAY HAVE GOTTEN ALMOST EVERYTHING
I EVER WANTED
I got spare change for teeth and a
brain like wet laundry forgotten for the
seventh day.
I got chipped red nail polish and ripped
fishnets, tonight I got YOU buyin ME drinks.
I got a cunt like chloric acid ready to give
your face third degree burns
so take me home
AND BLISTER YOURSELF FUCKER
I GOT HATE
I GOT HATE IN ME LIKE SCRAPMETAL ORGANS AND
A URINE FILLED HEART
I can tear myself apart so easily.


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Sini Anderson

Sign: Scorpio
Hometown: Chicago, IL
moment of shame on 97 tour: Lip-Synching To Indigo Girls With Michelle Tea, Watching Her Pursue Drunk Big-Haired Lesbian Couple
best tour souvenir: Niagara Falls Fishing Cap
favorite bar in america: The Nickel, Cleveland

ALL THE HEROS

MY HEART SKIPPED SO MANY BEATS
I THINK I ONLY LIVED HALF THE DAY
I MUST HAVE SEEN A THOUSAND PAIRS OF SWOLLEN HANDS
TODAY
EACH SET MAKING MY BREATH HARDER AND HARDER TO SWALLOW AND
MY EYES STILL CONTINUE TO OPEN
AS I SHUT THEM SHUT AND SHUDDER
AND ILL GET ON ONE MORE BUS
THINKING GRANDMOTHERS AND GODS
REMEMBERING A TIME I GRADUATED FROM FOREARMS TO
HANDS
AND ILL WALK ONE MORE INFESTED BLOCK
THANKING GRANDMOTHERS AND GODS
RUNNING MY TONGUE OVER SHARP RAGGED TEETH
AND I DONT UNDERSTAND THE REPETITIVE THANK YOUS
THAT CONSUME MY MIND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD
AND ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO SCREAM ---------
WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL THE HEROS ---------------------
PEOPLE ARE DYING OF PAIN
PULLING NEEDLES FROM HANDS
MAKING THE BREATHING EASIER TO SWALLOW
WITHOUT GRANDMOTHERS OR GODS
AND MY MOUTH STAYS SHUT ------------- TONGUE RUNNING TEETH
MIND ON REPEATS OF
THANK YOUS
AND
FUCK YOUS . . . . . . . . . . . .



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Lynn Breedlove

Sign: Sagittarius
Hometown: San Francisco
First Concert: Elton John
Road Snack: Chocolate
Favorite Vice: Sex


from Godspeed, Chapter 1, If Moms Were Girls

I said to her, "Eurobabe, you are the alpha and the omega, worship, worship"
worship.
She said, Be careful you dont lose your heart.
80I said, Dont worry, its surfer love.
If youre a gnarly reckless surfer who rides a lot of waves and wipes out a lot,
you dont want to go swimming after your board everytime you wipe out.
So you have a leash, which is a threefoot bungee coard looped around your
ankle, and the other ends laced through a hole in the end of your board.
I got a leash for my heart, bungeed to me the same way, see. Theres only
one downer; every now and then, when you wipe out harshly, the force of the
wave sucks the board way down deep and then lets go snap with a slingshot
effect, so the board becomes a missile and shoots straight out of the water at
ninety miles an hour and smacks you in the head and kills you.



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Ida D. Acton

Sign: Gemini
Hometown: Alliance, OH
First Concert: Woody Guthrie
Road Snack: Caffeine In A Can
Favorite Vice: Mean Women

Traffic Flow

Roads are like rivers
Flowing into endless, seamed connections
I wonder if they thought of that
Those highway builders
Thought of rivers
Traffic flow
Rivers running
Cars running
People running
In their chrome and metal-painted
Chevrolet canoes
Taking them away from me
Bringing them back to you.
I wanted to fuck her on the median-strip
Midstream.
Flotsam and jetsam in the form of
Burger King cups and cigarette butts
Pile up on our swarming bodies
Midnight crickets and wheels on road
the only sound to our road-side porno.
I wanted to leave her there
Forever in my mind
Mid-stream - median-strip
Unable to come or go
Unable to jump overboard and swim.
Trapped by hundreds of deadly
High speed Chevrolet canoes
And as I drove down my asphalt river
Trying to find the place where
My little tributary joins the ocean
I'd be sure to wave good-bye.



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Beth Lisick

Sign: Sagittarius
Hometown: San Jose, CA
First Concert: Thompson Twins, Flock of Seagulls & The Police
Road Snack: Ritz + apples = mock apple pie
Favorite Vice: Complimentary Gin

from Box

I cannot get out of bed. It has been five days now.

Loverboy, mad as a hornet, said, You made your bed. You will lie in it. You have lied in
it to me before and you have lied in it to me for the last time.

With on long, hard stare and hospital corners as tight as the ______of a ______,
he nailed me flat and left me for dead.

If only I could reach the box. The box under the bed.

I recall the afternoon in Chinatown, our 11 day anniversary, when everything we saw
appeared to us a sex toy.

Not just the ginseng, toy handcuffs, cheap video equipment and 9 inch statuette of Mao.
But the his and her chopsticks. One pair marked soba and one pair marked sushi.

Rice paper that turned into goo when it touched anything wet.
The role of the flat plastic shoes looked like they were made for a swat on the ass

The switchblade that popped out and was really a comb.
The switchblade that popped out and was really a switchblade.

Our teeth were rotting. Our hair hung limply from our skulls.



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Shar Rednour

Sign: Libra
Hometown: The Midwestern Field Where My Spaceship Crashed
First Concert: Boy George
Road Snack: Chocolate Bar & Orange Crush
Favorite Vice: Pink

from Tina and Gin . . . For Those Who Got Out

She shrugged. "I'm bored." She blew smoke out the window then after a few minutes
said, "You keep me awake and I tell you things. Doesn't that make you happy?"
I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. I liked it better when she was
charming me, but what did I expect? At least she was honest. Fuck, who knew bored better
than me? I reached into the ashtray and lit up a joint. "Are you going to tell me to do more
things?"
"Maybe." She looked at me. It wasn't a question but I suspected she was feeling
me out a little too. Probably not cause she cared but just cause she wanted to see what she
could get away with.
"There's a lot you got to learn about the country, ya know. You say you're not
gonna be here long but hey, you are here. The cities might be tough but you gotta be tough
here too. You'd be surprised what I can do, what I'm not scared to do. We won't get too
bored. Besides," I looked over at her, "I'll give you another story to tell."


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Stanya Khan

Sign: Virgo
Hometown: San Francisco, Ca.
First Concert: "Day on the Green #1" at the Oakland Coliseum when I was 11yrs old ('79), big outdoor all day show complete with kegger tailgates in the parking lot: Black Sabbath, Journey, Cheap Trick and Molly Hatchet all played.
Road Snack: Waffles w/ a side of cole slaw; cheese puffs, Rolos, Jack Daniel's, Budweiser.
Favorite Vice: enjoying my vices. plus: cars, sex in cars, being late.

from Chum Chum the Action Man

(text from Delirium)

My memory your memory
lives across the bay
16, 17 east my way,
every time we have a fight this is what they say:
your personal memory is public history,
privacy sells well
and it's getting hard to tell if that shit in the toilet is really even yours.
Did I lay that righteous loaf of love?
Or did the lead singer of that sitcom, newsreel, volume three, auteur de force?

Make sure you're breathing when you fuck,
they might make concert T-shirts out of your bodily fluids.
Say honey, your orgasm just broke the billboard charts -
how does it feel to be a superstar?
I don't know,
I got distracted by that vicious wave of body memory
and all I could do was cry and apologize in confusion
about the abuser who,
excuse me I have to go kill now.
But what were we talking about? Power and responsibility?
- the ability of the body to respond.
The power of the body to create.
The importance of burning memory
on a sacrificial altar
in the ritual invocation of your body now.

Breathe, shit,
make a naked dance.
Mix yer metaphors,
syntax is synthetic,
wear your polemic polyester with pride,
just disco down like there's no tomorrow
and don't forget to star in your own movie everyday,
(cuz it's not WHAT you say it's HOW you say it)

oh . . . the power of flamboyance, entertainment and good sex
on a day when you didn't get around to smashing the state.



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THE TURNBUCKLES!!
1. Miranda Mellis

Sign: Capricorn
Hometown: San Francisco
First Concert: Aretha Franklin & Ray Charles
Road Snack: Hard Boiled Eggs
Favorite Vice: Breathing

I never realized emptiness could be so chaotic, an abandoned yet loud place, the sideways
bits and pieces that don't touch. The soul is there, but in the foreshortened image it's as
tiny as a glass eye in a prairie. Hard to hear it over the sound of all that landscape moaning.
Like the guy who keeps going to his job long after the place got shut down, out of the
addiction to the choreography of his (anachronistic) role, the running body of the headless
chicken. I hope that action is more than just reaction against a pervasive sense of futility.
And more than just an aesthetic gesture in a sea of non dualistic flux. But even if that's all it
was, it would serve a purpose, anti-entropy. What if creation is the force of resistance that
keeps the world from finally tipping over, into a complete drowning slide.



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2. Alessandra Ogden

Sign: Capricorn
Hometown: Bloomington, IN
First Concert: Midnight Oil
Road Snack: Popcorn
Favorite Vice: Saying Yes


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3. Carina Gia Sarrero

Sign: Virgo
Hometown: Munich, Germany
First Concert: Duran Duran
Road Snack: Water
Favorite Vice: Anything Intoxicating

it is the story
a shotgun of a Polaroid
but mostly
the sky
silver pinkribbons
and who's the angel
who's high
enough to crawl
to pray
to say
the necessary things

I met her on a train
she said she belonged
somewhere to someone
that she too had been cooked up in a ladle
and could do nothing without her maker

She told me that her husband was also her bride
and that she wouldn't let him visit all the time
he tried
almost every lunch
to bring her meat or milk
and pray for effortless beauty and no dissonance
she sat with an iron pot between her thighs
and stirred his every ugliness
into her heart
the wife that took me cooked me
she said
i am no bride
who am I
i keep record
i'm not the cat that got here panting and pissing like a man




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